Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Five-Teen




I'm going to try really hard not to make this a sappy post. Or an unrealistic one that glosses over the tiny cracks. You know what I mean, I trust, you trusty reader, you.

3 June 2010 marks my (our) 15th wedding anniversary and it is a thing to be celebrated. Access Hollywood will tell you that this is a great accomplishment in our culture, but more than that, it is a thing that I treasure as something I can't really describe. And each year--one more--it becomes dearer and dearer to me. I find myself thinking, in a few of years (6 more), I will have been with Topher longer than than I was without him. I think, 15 years seems like a lot of life, but I know it is just a tiny ripple in my eternal existence. I am thinking of the 5 beautiful children we have together, and what that means to us forever. Because, I reason, think about what it means to me NOW.

Topher is not perfect, but he is nearly so. He is never intentionally mean (with exception to drivers who follow too closely--then he will slow down or box you in and slow down again and speak condescendingly to you) or jealous and he is extremely loyal. He plays dumb in certain situations to make others feel comfortable, and he avoids confrontation (despite my efforts by example to teach him otherwise). He is not always funny so that it's annoying (hello Robin Williams), but enough so so that it is delightful and surprising (authentic). He's more talented than he will admit, and more hardworking than anyone I know. He doesn't keep score (In case you are wondering, I do) and he will go out of his way to help others. OUT. OF. HIS. WAY. Everyone wants to be Topher's friend, in my mind, and I want him all to myself. I'm jealous that way.

I don't feel that 15 years of marriage gives me any particular authority to give marriage advice, (although I love giving advice--seriously--I love it. Send in your questions.) because each couple is different. For example, I say just go ahead and go to bed angry. You're probably just tired. Get a good nights rest and if you're still mad in the morning then talk about it later--after work and kids and dinner and the bedtime routine--oh wait, you're tired again. Well, maybe talk about it on the weekend. If you remember what you're angry about. See? Wasn't that great advice? Also, (I know I said I wasn't going to give any advice, but this is good) Topher always gives me, and his friends, the benefit of the doubt in any situation. You know when you say something and you could take it as a compliment or an insult? Topher will always assume you meant it as a compliment--because he thinks highly of you. Doesn't that make you love Topher a little more?

I wanted to write something meaningful and momentous, but I'm just going to end by saying that I'm happy. I'm so happy I married Topher and that we have created what we have created. The good, the bad, I'm grateful for it all. And humbled by it. And it's reason to celebrate. So, tomorrow afternoon we will check into a fancy hotel and take a nap. And no, that's not a euphemism, it's a literal nap. Creating all this happiness is tiring.

SECRETS TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE:


1. We hang out with famous people whenever we can (and you thought the title of my blog had nothing to do with my life!)

2. We love America. (We're watching the Freedom Festival Parade here.) We seriously love freedom and dying our hair blonde at the same time! (sameseez!)

3. Topher puts up all Christmas lights and all other holiday related decorations. This has saved us a lot of arguments.

4. We dress up for Halloween every year. Most parents poo-poo this idea. Topher has insisted on it every year of our marriage. Here, he's obviously a cowboy and I'm Hester Prynne (pregnant with Margaret).

5. I'm mysterious.

16 comments:

  1. Happy Anniversary. I love your advise. I do that with my husband of 18 yrs all the time. Isn't it nice to be able to say you're happy? Congratulations.

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  2. Congratulations! Loved this post :) We've only gotten two done so far! Hoping we make it too fifteen this happy too!

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  3. Happy anniversary!

    P.S. Going to bed mad is the perfect solution. You hit the nail on the head!

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  4. I love this. You guys have always been an example to me of two amazing, strong, talented individuals who were best friends and got married. . .and continue to be best friends who are still amazing, strong and talented individuals. And since Chris probably won't talk about this on his trendy audio tumblr thing, he is WAY more lucky than you are. I love Christopher Clark, but, come on. . .Lisa Clark???

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  5. When I grow up I want to be just like Chris and Lisa Clark. I love you both so much for the friends that you've been to me, but I am also really grateful for the example of happiness in marriage and life that you've been. I seriously want to be like you guys and I know I'm not alone.

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  6. Chris is a catch and so are you. You make a great pair.

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  7. You are very mysterious...and very funny. Great post, I love to hear about real life happy marriages. I also love to give advice. Especially that very advice you gave. After 11pm I decided it is best to avoid talking about any serious subjects. Congrats on your 15 years!

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  8. Happy Anniversary!
    Thanks for all the advice...I'm gonna work on being more mysterious! :)

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  9. Oh my gosh the hester prynne costume is the BEST. I seriously am considering having another baby just to rip this idea off!!! Maybe.

    Oh yeah, and congratulations on 15 years!!

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  10. I should thank Amy Biedel every day for introducing me to the Clarks. I love you guys!

    Also, maybe Chris SHOULD be jealous, because you are glowing in that picture with BJ, and you are a stone cold fox.

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  11. I love when two people I love love each other.

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  12. Hester Prynne. Why didn't *I* think of that? I could have gone as this for SEVERAL Halloweens!!

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  13. Happy 15 years to the Clarks! Hooray Hooray Hooray!!

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  14. A little late...but Happy Anniversary! We love you guys! Fun to celebrate our fifteenth in the same year :-)

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  15. What I like most about your hubby is he restrains himself when I am so dumb and say, "What? Goat? Did you say goat? Susan, what about the goat that lives at your house?" He doesn't even roll his eyes. Clearly, Susan has a ghost. I mean, who in their right mind has a goat? By the way, congratulations on fifteen fabulous years. You don't look a day over 21. How does that work? Aren't girls getting married at age six kind of sick and wrong? Humm? Now if you had a ghost/goat, it would be understandable. I don't have any idea why. It's late, and late at night nothing makes sense. Except ghosts.

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  16. Man, I wish I was mysterious! Happy belated anniversary. Our 15th is at the end of August and that's about the only thing we have in common--but I'll take it! :)

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