I sweat the small stuff (literally)

One very distinct memory I have growing up is my dad sweating profusely. Like, I was really worried that something was wrong with him. Big sweaters, those Valentines. He'd joke about it as he'd run marathons or work in the yard, but it was a very distinct indication that he was (still is) a hard worker, but it was really gross. Soaked headbands and t-shirts, gross. I cannot emphasize how much sweat he sweat enough.

I hated sweating. I avoided it at all costs growing up. Whether it was trying to dab my forehead with a paper towel under my high Aqua-netted bangs during the ridiculously humid Nebraska summers, or avoiding strenuous activity during high school "toning" class, I thought I had inherited my mother's ability to "glisten," and not sweat like my Dad.

Then, six months ago, I joined the gym. I haven't always been inactive, it's just when I started running 2 years ago, I ran outside and somehow that made it seem like I sweat less. Maybe I just didn't notice what was going on because I was too busy crying at how tired I was. Or maybe there just aren't any mirrors outside, I don't know. But being inside the gym, fans a'blazing, entering this "new world," I discovered that I'm a Valentine after all.

I now know that my condition requires specialized clothing. If I wear a cotton t-shirt or pant, and not that GoDry, DryLux, KeepYouDry material, I literally soak it in an interesting and embarrassing pattern (I'm not going to expand on this point--super gross). My hair--my entire ponytail-- is soaking wet. I'm sorry I have to be so specific here, but it is pretty freeing: I sweat as much as a grown human can possibly sweat and not be studied for medical purposes!

I know people have all these theories about "sweating out toxins" and whatnot. I don't know if that's true--I'm not an expert. But I like to think that it's melted fat. I know, this post is getting grosser and grosser. But one thing I've learned from my family-doctor-brother Chris is that even if something's NOT true, but you really believe it, it can have positive physical benefits (please don't read too much into the plasebo effect reaching out into other areas of my life). Now I love to sweat--I embrace is as a physical manifestation of my family history and melting fat (disgusting, but effective).

Which lead me to think about, and now embarrass myself about, another "self-discovery" I've made due to the sweating: A woman who has given birth several times should be compressed when exercising. I naively thought that when I lost a bunch of weight, my stomach would look better. Silly me! It has been a harsh and humbling lesson to learn that no matter how much I weigh or tone my muscles, my stomach will always tell the tale of Miles, Owen, Phoebe, Hugh, and Margaret. Which is not really a big deal because I wear good pants. As I should.

Please believe me when I say I know which fabrics I need to wear when I exercise as to embarrass myself the least amount possible (according to my delusional perspective).

Josh, one of my favorite people, is the manager of the Old Navy store in American Fork, and I was laughing about my new found love of sweating and he asked me if I wanted to blog about their sale on Active Wear and their new "compression line," which of course I wanted to because I was really, in actuality, going to go to the sale and buy some sassy pants. (I like to be upfront about these things). A couple of months ago I bought their compression yoga pants and long running pants when they went on sale and they're my favorites and I can actually afford them (I won't spend more than $30 on exercise pants. I was just born that way.) They have a deal going on right now where their new compression pants and tanks --everything ActiveWear--adults and kids--is on sale. Each store is doing a different promotion, but I got these super GoDry compression pants (with fold-over tummy sucking capability!) for a steal. And a tank. And a shirt. And I might go back and get some more pants tomorrow.

Kacy waiting for me to try on everything on sale. It took a while. . .Take a look at her journey HERE.

American Fork Manager, Josh Bingham. Super helpful and friendly!

I can run in these pants and my stomach will stay put!

The back of this shirt has a air-dry panel in the back like it was MADE FOR ME~!

Kacy tries on some GoDry ActiveWear and immediately gains "street cred."

We were so hot and tired after trying on all those clothes that it took Route 44's to cool us down! (I'm not exaggerating about the sweat)

Still Livin' the Dream

My neglected blog is a product of three things:

1. mothering five children (this reason makes me appear saintly)

2. a preoccupation with wanting to write exclusively about things that make me mad (this reason makes me appear grumpy and full of ingratitude)

3. just trying to keep it all together (I'm easily prone to guilt and worrying about expectations is my specialty)

During my hiatus, I realize that writing about angry issues is cathartic, but publishing them would be silly for so many reasons. My children do and say really funny things and as much as I knew I'd miss the newborn/innocent toddler age, this stage of my family is really the best and I wish I could freeze us all these ages forever. And "Lowering the bar and being awesome," my unofficial official motto, has turned out to be more true than ever.

And I like writing things in lists of three.

I am, in fact, still "almost famous" and the title of this blog still makes me laugh (cry) on the inside. My little brother James and his cute little band continue to dominate the awards ceremonies and are sure to win an award on days when I've had a particularly pointed disappointment that day (losing a job, having a dream project cancelled, having a sick kid, etc--see above #2) But he's still cute and grounded (as much as a rockstar can be, let's be honest), and the other famous people in my life (bloggers, actors, whatnot) are all just doing the best they can under the circumstances. I would say, "Aren't we all? Aren't we all just doing the best we can?" But we all know the answer is, "No, not everyone is." (too grumpy? I'm trying to do better. It's cold and January. . . baby steps.)

And 6 months ago I joined a gym, thereby finding a socially appropriate way to deal with my anxiety/anger/general malaise with society and the number of jobs my husband currently has.

So, that's what's new. What's new with you?

THE HIT

My huband, Topher, directed "The Hit" at the Hale Theater in Orem. You should go see it! Here's what he has to say about it:

So, my show opened at the Hale last night and I love it. It's really funny and the cast is perfect. It's equal parts farce and sitcom, and it's only 90 minutes long. Seriously, a great way to spend a summer night. It's called The Hit, and it runs to July 30th. (My birthday, but you knew that.)

You can buy tickets by clicking here.

Please, please see this show. Take your kids. They'll love it.

It's Summer Now, Are You Ready?

It's the last day of school for my kids and so I've got to type fast. I don't have much time. I'm sure many of you know what I mean. I know my recent posts sound bossy, like I'm telling you what to do, but it wasn't intended to be that way. I hope you'll give me the benefit of the doubt. For example, in a frenzied hush, Kacy asked me, "Did you really MEAN you keep one binder per kid PER YEAR of schoolwork?" (It is, afterall, the time of year when we're faced with our kids bringing home a desk full of work they "have to keep" so it's time to make some difficult decisions--and by decisions I mean send them out to play while you throw stuff away in the garage so they won't see) and I explained that it was the amount of work that I keep--about a binder's full, but I don't keep it all in a binder in protective sheets or anything because I think that's a waste of binders (money--I'm super thrifty). But I don't scrapbook or anything like that. It's just a small stack of papers I keep per year. Does everyone feel good about that? I hope that sounds manageable. I do imagine Phoebe, in the future, at about 14 or 15 going through her (one) box and wanting to organize it and scrapbook it all pretty. It seems like something she might want to do.

In the interest of full disclosure, my buddy Cimony told me she was distraught because I had mentioned on my blog months ago that women uh. . hem my age. . . shouldn't wear capri's anymore because they're not flattering. And then she felt weird wearing hers, so she doesn't anymore, and then she saw me wearing my jeans cuffed. I can't remember what I said exactly, but it sounds like some rash judgement I would make in a fit of rage. Well, I'm officially taking that back--or qualifying it. First of all, let's agree not to use the word "capri," "clam digger" or "floods." If we say they're "cuffed pants" or "straight pants" ala Audrey Hepburn, can we live with that? I, for one, am more comfortable with that. And let us never speak of skorts. Ever.

Now that I've said my peace, I feel I can get on with Summer. Oh dear.

Now I'm not being bossy, but I have done some things to get ready for Summer. These are ideas I've stolen and used from other people's experience, so I feel it's my duty to share (as bound by the unspoken mother-bond I feel we should all have to make each others' lives easier):

1. I stocked the fridge, freezer, and pantry so my kids could make their own breakfast and lunch. I posted a list of ideas for what to make for breakfast, lunch, and a snack and taped them on the inside of my pantry door.

2. I put together simple binders of activities (writing prompts, blank paper, new pens/markers, workbooks from the Dollar Store, articles my kids might like, etc) from Kacy. They can pull these out when I tell them to get off the computer/video game and do "something else creative."

3. We made a list of things to do in the Summer and posted them on the inside of the pantry door (my kids spend a lot of time in the pantry). I let the kids lead this, then I added some. So when they ask "what can I do. . . ?" I'm ready. Examples: Make a comic book, go to the Bean Museum (Margaret), make a movie with the neighborhood kids, have a lemon-aid stand (Owen), learn to bake something new, make an obstacle course for some friends, play night games, go swimming, make up a play with your friends (Phoebe), go bowling (Hugh), make a book, read a new book series, make a song on garage band, make a new video game or app (Miles), make homemade popcicles, you get the idea. . .

Good luck. We can make it to August. It's just August, you guys.

ORGANIZING PAPERS

I did a presentation for my local church (Relief Society--the Woman's Organization at my church) all about cleaning and organizing and how to hate it a little less. I went through the series "How to Hate Cleaning LESS parts I, II, and III.'' I didn't have time for "Teaching Children to Clean," but it's here, here, and here. I DID have time for a bit about organizing paper and documents and all of that. I thought I would include it on my blog, so here it is:

IDEAS TO SIMPLIFY PAPER ORGANIZATION:

USE YOUR COMPUTER: Scan and save what you can online and on your computer. Make sure you back it up. This works well for photos, receipts, lesson plans, ideas, family history, recipes, articles, even schoolwork. Pay as many bills online as you can. Don’t subscribe to catalogues—just go to the website.

PHOTOS: I keep digital copies on my hard drive, back up my hard drive, and keep a digital disk for each kid and one “real” copy of each photo. (Because I’m a freak. But it doesn’t take up much space.)

MAIL: Treat your mail with hostility. Do not let it touch the counter, like it’s carrying some sort of disease. Throw away junk mail right away (or set aside to shred later), open bills, file the statement, file the bill with envelope, throw everything else away. Put invitations/announcements in one place. Make this a habit. Shouldn’t take more than 1 ½ minutes. Don’t subscribe to catalogues—just go to the company website.

Schoolwork/Sentimental Cards: Have a predetermined space for each child, each school year. I keep one binder for each child, each school year. I don’t want them to have more than that saved each year, so I’m careful about what I keep. If it’s a large item, take a picture of it, then throw it away. If you’re having a hard time deciding if you should keep it or throw it away, think, “My son will move this project at least 9 times.” Is it worth it?

DOCUMENTS: There are documents you need to keep and get to quickly and save for a long time. Keep them in the same place. They are the information you need when you buy a house, start school, apply for a loan, etc. Birth Certificates, Insurance Policies, Titles, Tax Return Receipts, etc. Keep them in a fireproof container. Keep copies at a different location.

DON’T FORGET TO:

Clean out/replace your heating/air conditioning filters regularly.

Why? Clear filters are inexpensive and save you in utility costs.

Clean out your clothing dryer regularly and REALLY clean out the coil and pipes leading to the outside vent every six months—check every pipe.

Why? This can prevent home fires and increase the productivity and life of your dryer.

Run vinegar through your dishwasher and washing machine every 3 months.

Why? Hard water stains will clog the filters and it will increase the life and productivity of your machines and get rid of the hard water stains.

Keep the area around your water heater, heater, air conditioner (inside and outside) clean and free of clutter.

Why? This can prevent fires and accident (especially during an emergency).

Remember,

If your house is clean

And everything has a place

And is in that place,

Then all you have to do is MAINTAIN,

Which is different than cleaning. . .

LVC

Obligatory Easter Pictures of My Children (even though you didn't ask)

I can never get a picture of them all together. These are my children on Easter:

This is Phoebe wearing a baptism dress my mom made. I love it because it matches her eyes.

Margaret won't look at the camera and smile. This is the best I could get. She is naturally suspicious, as the youngest of brothers and a sister who like to tease.

You guys, beauty takes time and prep: curlers, sunglasses, Tweety body soap, and candy, specifically.

I know I'm not objective, but these are some good-looking kids! Owen always manages to beat himself up before picture-heavy days (Specifically: school picture day, Christmas, Easter, and Mother's Day). It's a gift.

She's the only one who will let me take her picture and doesn't try to sabotage it at the last minute, so she gets an extra photo.

This is what my kids normally look like (the above photos were only a blip in time before it all fell apart):

O-Dog.

Hughie Dewey Luey

Pheebs

Miles with his "signature style piece--"the smelly striped hat.

Margot. . . looking for the Easter Bunny. She was enchanted by the whole idea of a bunny (animal) leaving her presents (candy) for fun (a game!) All her favorite things.

I Have a Teenage Son and I Still Make Him Clean

When the girls showed up for Miles' party, Topher said, "It looks like the girls are here to babysit the boys." Yes, girls at 13 look and act a lot differently than boys at 13. How funny and awkward!

A girl made this for Miles. I almost cried, for many, many conflicting reasons. But he shared some of his candy with me and it eased my pain.

Here they are playing Just Dance 2 on a projector in the backyard. So fun. My only responsibilities that night was to provide more candy, pop, chips, and popcorn. I just kept it comin'! A lot easier than organizing pin the tail on the Lego-guy or treasure hunts. SEE, having your kids grow up (sniff) IS easier (sob sob).

Miles used to make this face as a baby and I made him do it for me at Yogurtland when I was feeling sorry for myself that he's a teenager now. "Where did my baby go!?" I yelled, and he responded by making this face and saying, "Goo-goo gah gah! Get me more food!" which I appreciated because it brought me back to reality and made me remember that babies are really demanding and Miles can make his own ham and cheese sandwiches now, which is really great.

This is Miles at his party wearing his new Angrybirds t-shirt and feeling pretty awesome about it. I know, I used to think that I would never let my kids wear video gaming/cartoon t-shirts, but now I'm an older mom and I don't care about dressing my kids to fit my style (Choose your battles, new moms! Lady insisting your baby's head scrunchie bow matches her socks and shoes and dress--I'm talking to YOU! If you need more instruction, READ THIS. CARLY KNOWS) I had a friend who told me she wanted to homeschool her kids because (and this was the number one reason she listed) she didn't want her kids to go to school with kids who wear Spongebob Squarepants t-shirts. I said, "Hmmm, interesting" and have since thought of a hundred different "zingers" I should have said, but didn't. I guess we all have regrets.

Right on cue, after less than a week of being a teenager, Miles, now 13 (ahem), asked me if he still had to do his Saturday jobs because he spent the morning helping with the neighborhood clean-up with the other youth in our church ward (congregation). I held my ground and said, "Absolutely. What, you think because you are serving others you deserve a reward? That's not much of a sacrifice. And that also means that I should do more work?" He said, "Yeah, I guess you've got a point." (I love having a logical first child!) And then he did his jobs (sweetheart). But don't feel bad for him, they only took 10 minutes and now he's playing Kirby's Epic Yarn. Life is good for that boy.

I held my breath because, really, I want to give him a reward. He deserves it. He's a really good kid and I want him to want to serve others, but on the other hand, I don't want him to expect that every time he does something nice for someone that he'll get rewarded in an expected way because that's not how life is (do I sound jaded?) And I really didn't want to do his jobs for the day. I haven't watched Parks and Rec yet. I've got a lot on my to-do list.

I did teach Hugh (6--see, still a BABY) how to wipe down all the tables and chairs today and how to really sweep the kitchen floor. That took me a long time, like 15 minutes, to stand and teach, watch, let him try it the hard way, show him an easier way, get a smaller sweeper, show him again (he's really stubborn and knows how to do everything himself, wow), and then LET HIM DO IT. It wasn't perfect (the floor, especially), but I let him feel really good about being a big helper like the older boys, because now he has 2 jobs instead of 1 on Saturday cause he's a big kid. He bought it all and loved it. BECAUSE THEY ALL WANT TO GROW UP, which is my life's burden. (pause for dramatic effect)